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nervous

October 7, 2013

im pretty nervous tomorrow im going to call up the office i previously worked at and apologize for leaving. im feeling down, out and jitterbugged. life wasn’t previously like this at all, it was all high or nothing at all and im in an in between and  i don’t know how to feel. i used to have nothing, and nothing to apologize for except killings and murders in between at a sacriledge land. i feel bad inside myself, that i hate everything in the day and just want to be done with in this land and go back home, but something tells me i wont be home forever and will have to leave like this if i want to preserve my life. im going crazy if i don’t tell nobody about this i feel like im going to blow.

what my situation is, i fell in love with someone from the prisons, he looks like an old friend of mine, and im crazy about him but he won’t be released cause he’s in there for life and after 9 months we will be disconnected. i don’t know what to do except what is to come. and that is devastation. sometimes i feel when we dont know the end is what it is, we shouldn’t choose outcomes for ourselves. like i would still be working hadn’t i feared deadlines, death , stress, threats. which are normal in work.

jimmy was actually a great athelete a great bouncer, but he threw it all away when he felt he couldn’t handle the stress at being great. but he gave himself a chance again and went back to the limelight, he apologized and said it was part of his mistake that took him away. and he came back fully bouncing and he was even gona get married. jimmy was a great guy and everybody looked up to him. he quit blaming himself for everything he was responsibile for in the past that didn’t fail just died off cause they grew old. he gave himself a chance at forgiveness and left it all behind. he got back his job and decided to work instead and was good at what he did. thats the end. he was glorious because he continued at it.

go be a paralegal cause your great at it!

2010-2013 i had a dip i was doing nothing even though i was jobless. give yourself a chance to be an american lawyer again. 🙂 prepare for american law school and application after working for a long time in a texas law firm as a paralegal. people of your calibre should be lawyers assistants or paralegals.. you get what their saying? not sweeping or mopping people’s tables.

im going to do everything right this year, no more sweeping tables and chairs, im going to give my self the chance that i want to. im going to work and be brilliant as a paralegal, and im going to fly to the states and pay some money for josh to write me, and im going to see him and we’re gonna get married and get in a relationship. im going to straighten out all the work places i used to work at. im going to be smart and not destroy myself.

i cant believe i went to school and blogged ! i don’t even remember this blog existed. im so happy i gave myself a new chance to start being a paralegal. its alot higher and hopeful than the other jobs i have. they say this place may be tearing me up, but i don’t think so. i won’t lett it take me to shreds. its true this place makes you sad most of the time. but i won’t let it take me down, it even made me lazy and tired of picking up my clothes cause they kept messing it up. but ive been wanting to throw away their trash for a long time.

adam was the first and the beginning they said, of course he wasn’t but. adam’s love for his first true love would always stay wouldn’t it?

the scientist is telling me to go with the job at the steak house and tell the law firm no, if they decide to hire me. because it might possibly collapse the entire zombie hierachy and stop earth i must consider it, and plague us with national disasters, and the steak job might be easier in the long run and not to run to america and marry josh lusk, that its a temporary sadness im feeling cause i have his babies. i feel bad. but what he’s saying is very true. most of it would fail if you keep building castles in the air without concrete and brick and support system. all i have to do here is very easy get a simple job, do part time and full time later and support myself. easy peacy! and talk to the scientists and people underground in the long term. and he says don’t post the letters. but im itching to hear from penpals, but their probably psychopaths is what we’re deducing.

That it may be first hard but its just initially, i can get a good job later on and climb on and do hr and administrative work.that i ought to go with the medical plan for me as it gets me places, part at a time.

 

I did nothing wrong but the system will fail again if i work hard and get stressed, cause its powerful and i do have a powerful mind and abilities. i decided to leave my room unpacked again because of other people who’ve left their things in my room, and it’d cause a commotion if its too clean. I’ve done this with other people in mind not because of myself, and i can’t say im great unless people are happy and living happily. so i’ll just message cherie and get the steak job interview down, go for work. and post some letters.

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